I'm sorry that I didn't turn out the way you wanted. You think that it's my fault, that I should have done something different, been stronger, been braver, been more like you, but can't you see that this is just as much your fault as it is mine. Maybe if you had chosen something easier for me, instead of this impossible dream, then I may have fulfilled your crazy fantasies.
No matter how hard I try, I will never be you. My dreams are filled with being what you want me to be, and your nightmares are filled with the reality of what I am. All I want is your approval, and all you want is perfection. The only thing we have in common is that we both hope that I will become exactly like you, and we are both forced to live with the disappointment of realising that I never will.
I can't give up hope of becoming something I'm not, until you can forgive me for being what I am. If only I would try harder. If only I was strong enough to push past what I am. If only I could become stronger, become wiser, become better. If only I could become you, then maybe it would be okay, but it isn't, and for that, you blame me.
I would given anything to be you, but I am not. I am only me. Weak, pathetic, little me. That's all I am, and no matter how hard I try, that is all I ever was, and ever will be. And while I cannot change it, I also cannot except it. For a brief moment you did, and for the first time I was comfortable within myself. However, now that you know me, you realise what I truly am, and you can't stand it. You try to change me, to mold me into the shape of your shadow, to create a mirror image of yourself. Try as I may I can't satisfy your wants, and now I fear you despise me as much as I have come to despise myself.
I am truly sorry. My every thought is consumed with how to please you, how to be what you want, how to gain your approval, your acceptance, your love, but most of all your forgiveness. I need you to see past my imperfections, my flaws. I need you to forgive me. I let you down by letting my flaws take over until they became me. I should have been more. I should have been more like you.
I can't give up hope of becoming something I'm not, until you can forgive me for being what I am. If only I would try harder. If only I was strong enough to push past what I am. If only I could become stronger, become wiser, become better. If only I could become you, then maybe it would be okay, but it isn't, and for that, you blame me.
I would given anything to be you, but I am not. I am only me. Weak, pathetic, little me. That's all I am, and no matter how hard I try, that is all I ever was, and ever will be. And while I cannot change it, I also cannot except it. For a brief moment you did, and for the first time I was comfortable within myself. However, now that you know me, you realise what I truly am, and you can't stand it. You try to change me, to mold me into the shape of your shadow, to create a mirror image of yourself. Try as I may I can't satisfy your wants, and now I fear you despise me as much as I have come to despise myself.
I am truly sorry. My every thought is consumed with how to please you, how to be what you want, how to gain your approval, your acceptance, your love, but most of all your forgiveness. I need you to see past my imperfections, my flaws. I need you to forgive me. I let you down by letting my flaws take over until they became me. I should have been more. I should have been more like you.
I am sorry.
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