Can't Let You Go

Why am I still holding on? You have been gone for so long but I just can't seem to let go. I don't even know why. You never cared for me the way I now care for you. I am just frightened that the moment I give up on you is the moment you remember me.

Why have I spent so long dreaming of how things could be, when I know they will never be any different to the way they are now. You are there, and I am here. This is the way it will be from now on. You left, with no intention of returning.

I don't think I even really want things to be different. I want them to be how they were but even if you came back they would never be the same. You are gone, and what we had is gone. It seems you have become a part of me. The part of me that, no matter how long you've been gone, still manages to leave the icky aftertaste in my mouth. The taste of loneliness and defeat.

But why would you care? You have gone. You are there. I am here. Together we are not, in any sense of the word. You needed me but I pushed you away. Now it's my turn to need you and you are gone.

Why am I so hung up on the thought of you? I can't think of one reason why I want you. You were everything I promised myself never to need. Yet you're like a drug, that I can never get enough of. One that I'm being deprived of and the withdrawal is driving me insane.


Erin: But I love you.
Scott: You don't love me, you love the idea of me
Erin: It was such a good idea

I miss you